We found out we were pregnant almost 1 year to the date where I’m writing this. Within that time we have celebrated many things and mourned so so much more…We found out that we were having a baby on Saturday, 27th May 2017 and soon found out her due date would be 31st January 2018 meaning she would share the same birthday as my dad, so that had to be a good sign, right?
I remember Steven and I being so completely happy at each and every scan when we got to see her wee outline on the screen and to know she was perfectly happy and healthy in mummy’s tummy. We loved seeing her so much we even paid for extra scans privately as we just couldn’t wait to meet her so we just wanted to soak as much of her in before that date arrived. We moved from our flat into a lovely home with a garden where we could picture her running around in and playing in her paddling pool.
We quickly began refurbishing the house to make it fit for a baby. I cleaned, picked furnishings and organised her room while her daddy painted and built so much Ikea furniture in her nursery I thought his hands would fall off, all the time with the biggest smile on his face, so proud to be a daddy to his little princess to be. We promised each other we wouldn’t buy her anything until she got here but each night we would come home and our arms were filled with bags as we just couldn’t resist and soon she had enough to fill a walk in wardrobe, which again her daddy had to build. We promised that we would bring her up a polite, caring and loving little girl who wasn’t spoiled, but truth be told we would have gave her anything she wanted as she had us wrapped around her tiny fingers the day those blue lines appeared on the test.
I was so proud of my bump and we celebrated birthdays, her baby shower, family and friends gatherings, Christmas and all 4 seasons of the year with her. Each night we would check our bounty app for any updates on what she would be doing as a bump now. Each Wednesday we found out what her new foot size would be and what fruit our bump had became this week. Each morning before work, Steven would race downstairs to change the baby calendar so we knew how many days were left. We attended our antenatal classed with all the other excited mummy’s and daddy’s. Steven just couldn’t contain his excitement and was so protective over both me and our wee “bumpy chops” Francesca. Her due date approached , then it came and went and as the days ticked by I would eagerly bounce on the gym ball eating pineapple and Steven made me laugh as he sat on the couch reading the baby book for the millionth time to learn about breastfeeding and the best ways to soothe a crying baby.
Then at exactly 1 week past her due date on the morning of the 7th February 2018, I was in labour and when we got to the hospital we found out there was no heartbeat and our baby had died…. Francesca had died and so did our hearts! We were completely and utterly shattered and to this day no words will ever describe the pain you feel to know your baby has gone and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to make her come back.
Francesca was born on Thursday 8th February at 6.01am weighing 8lb 11oz with her daddy right at mummy’s side and the most loving midwifes there to help her come into the world.
Francesca was a baby who loved bath times and always got excited in her wee bump when the water splashed against her. She loved lemon San Pellegrino so much her daddy nearly went bankrupt buying in the latest shipment from the local Tesco for her mummy. She loved pineapple so much her mummy started to take reactions from eating so much of it over the last couple of months. She loved to listen to music and bands such as the Stereophonics , Kings of Leon and some Mumford & sons but was also partial to a bit of Pete Tongs latest collection.
Francesca was a baby…….. She wont be defined as simply another statistic or stillbirth … she was our baby and she has a very big family who love her very very much.
We are just so broken that we will never be able to read her a bedtime story , give her cuddles, watch her sleep or grow up into a beautiful , loving and caring woman. We will never be able show how much she really was wanted and loved from the day we all knew she existed and that will forever break our hearts until we pass over to other side to meet with her again one day and catch up on all those lost cuddles.
Francesca Alexis Johnston , Still born but forever loved and forever missed xxx