5 years on and we’re still trying to find our way in this ‘new’ normal life we had no choice to live.
And I can’t lie or even attempt to put a brave face on the fact that it’s fucking hard at times to just catch a breath with the grief that still heavily lingers over us.
But I can also 100% tell anyone who may be going through a similar loss and new life to us that it does get easier to cope as time goes by. The pain and the memories never leave but I’ve found that those horrible dark days lessen to allow you to appreciate the beautiful new surroundings you may find yourself in. If you’ve followed our blog since the beginning you’ll know Francesca’s wee brother Leo was born just 11 months after she was and without that little miracle I’m not sure how or if I’d still be here breathing. The pain really was so great that I genuinely thought my heart would just shatter and stop.
These last 5 years have been a whirlwind of everything and anything that rebuilding your life takes. Mixed in with covid times has made it a bloody blast I tell ya! 5 years on has brought a lot more smiles, laughs and a shit load of more dark humour than we as Glaswegians already have in abundance. I’ve lost count of the times we’ve said “if you don’t laugh you’ll greet” over the years with the downright funny AF real-life problems we’ve found ourselves in.
We have all the same parental issues that most people do and we value the times when we can catch up over a gin or 3, and recount how many tantrums and antics our weans had against his pals count of the day! The calendar is full of various parties, clubs and social events that we’ve got to schedule around our already full diaries of full-time workloads and businesses. (Side note: I love those Instagram accounts that have bloody hysterical frazzled mum reels that show my daily life down to a tee most of the time.) The constant moans of I’m hungry, I’m tired, I want this, I want that, I’m bored alongside the quick-witted remarks that you can’t help but laugh at but know you shoudn’t be. 4 years olds are SAVAGE BTW! But I wouldn’t have it ANY OTHER WAY! I know how bloody lucky we are to be able to crack on about these things and the fact that our wee boy is just a beautiful, kind, thoughtful, loving, funny, clever and adventurous bundle of energy.
But it is difficult to know where to take my blog now as I’m also very aware that not everyone I met through my blog, in the beginning, has been able to say the same things. I can’t imagine what they are going through but I can only imagine like us, there’s a novel of “what ifs” in their minds and my heart goes out to anyone with this pain in their bodies. The same old daft comments still get thrown our way though from time to time. You know like. at “least you’ve got Leo now” or “an only child is a lonely child” What crap! There is no at least to be had and yes he’s an only child because his sister died and there’s a chance I’ll have a full-on mental breakdown at the thought of living through another pregnancy after loss again you twat! (apologies but it grates on me!) If you’ve lived through any kind of grief I can imagine you’ve heard them all too!
So aye, a wee bit of real life and a wee bit of hope is probably the only thing I can really contribute to my story 5 years on but as always I hope my ramblings reach someone who is maybe living through similar and see’s their not alone xx
FOR FRANCESCA 